They don't prepare you for this. I guess my mum's mum was gone by the time she was two; so she didn't know about this. The dark cloud that's just there at the edge of your vision, that occasionally sweeps across and obscures everything. Then it passes and you feel...well normal again.
I was down in the Welsh Valleys for what felt like forever. Without my music. I was even starting to regain the Welsh accent that I'd had as a kid. I felt the need for music as a physical thing. Loud music that I could feel in my bones. The first thing I did after getting home was to turn it up full blast.
The Hideaways - Hideout
Dee & Joe - Who Is It Gonna Be?
JJ Barnes - Baby Please Come Back Home
JJ Barnes - Baby Please Come Back Home (Acappella)
Rose Batise - Come Back In A Hurry
Billy Preston - Billy's Bag
Rhythm And Wooze
5 hours ago
6 comments:
That cloud never goes away, Simon, and quite right too, but it does retreat, become the rarity instead of the norm. You just have to stick with it, and use the cloud to let you feel and remember, and love.
x
Yeah, I've an awareness that this won't go away; and you're right that it shouldn't. It's weird, because I can see how things are going to be. I'm pretty certain of the things that will cause it to move across things. Christmas for instance is looming pretty large on the horizon.
But the things that scare me mostly are the little things that I know will appear. Like finding a new book or film that I know my mum would have liked and that moment when I know I will reach for the phone.
But there are good things that have come out of this, such as meeting family members I've not seen for years. And an awareness of the good things in life that this kind of thing brings on.
That film and book thing is exactly, exactly how it is with me and my dad - I still think 'I'll tell him about this' though he died in 2001. And it's good, in its way, eventually anyway. Really. x
My head is already busy with things like that, what with friends who have lived abroad for many many years - letters are great but for instant "hey have you heard?" conversations they weren't really helpful!
I haven't had one of those head conversations with my mum yet. You're right though, it will be a good thing. My biggest problem right now is I'm expecting things to be 'normal' so soon.
I lost my Dad 7 years ago - and I still see films and clips Dad would've loved or fave songs of his. I don't know if I'll ever really get over it ,but you do get used to not getting over it
Those moments -- "Gee, I've got to tell Dad about that" -- still come to me, too, more than five years since he crossed over. For a year or so, they saddened me. Now, I hope they never stop coming. The Texas Gal and I wish you peace, Simon.
Post a Comment